Love is War Commentary
by Suckyficcommentary
Summary: One of many shitty Sue fics out there, being bashed by yours truly. Rated T for any swearing I'll probably do.
1. Chapter 1

**So, someone pmed me and told me I should do this fic... and, naturally, I had to. There is only one other person who made a commentary for this fic, and that's SpicyTacos (btw, SpicyTacos, if you're reading this, then kudos to you for your awesome commentary).**

**Anyway, just a reminder, if you guys have any suggestions as to what I should comment on next, please do let me know. On with the commenting!**  
HEY GUYZ IM BAKKKKK! **Someone doesn't know how to turn off caps lock...** ITZ BIN 2 WHOLE YEARZ! I FINALY GOT UNGRONDED 4 FAILING SKOOL 2 TIMES.** You failed school twice? How dumb are you, exactly? **DA TEACHRS R JUS JELOUS OF MY G8 RITING SKILS! ***bursts out laughing* Oh, oh God! That's a good one! Trained professionals, jealous of YOU, and your shitty excuse for writing skills... *stops laughing* Wait... You were SERIOUS? **DEN MY COMPUTA BROKE SO I MADE MY MOM MOVE MY STORI INTO 1 DOCUMENT 4 ME! SHE LABELED DA CHAPTAS! U NO IM STIL MAD DAT FF ALOWED SPICYTACOS TO STAY BUT NUT ME! **You're upset that they let a good writer stay rather than a dumbass who's most likely a troll pretending to be unable to write a good story or even spell worth crap? Could you really blame the site for that? **MY SISTA SAID NO 1 REDS ME STOREE BECUZ ITZ CONDENSED AND GIVE PPL HEAD ACHES! **I think that's just a nice way of saying it sucks worse than a donkey's rear end.** SO I GOT MY MOM 2 CHANGE THE FORMTA! SHE IZ VRY PROUD OF ME! SHE SAD DAT SHE IS SO HAPY 2 SEE ME READ RITE BECUZ SHE DIDNT TINK I COULD WATEVA THAT MEANS! **It means that Mommy knows best, Madison. You can't write worth crap.**  
"Chapter ONE! Inrto Cara

A/N THISSSSSS IS MY NEW STORY PLZ READ AND REVIREW! I KNOW YOU WILL LUV IT! **I know I will hate it.**

My name is Caroline Olivia Queen and I attend one calls me Cara for short because I HATEE my first name and I have a problem I am in love with Fred and Jorge **You mean George?** Weasly. They r My BEST FRIENDS! We gone too Hogeasrts together since we were in the first year.

I hace long beautiful chochlate colored brown hair that fell in perfecjt curls down my back. I styled my hair down. I had light blue eyes. Blue as a freshwater river. I have a VERY curvy figure. I am petite and small. **Typical Sue description...** ALOT of people seem to love me. Proboly because I am very nice and kidhearted! I give money to the homeles and orphands too! Everyone sayes they love to be around me. **She's sounding more like a Mary Sue by the second.** I also love to prank with Fred and Jorge. We love pranking Snepe but we never get caught! I am in griffindor with them. I dont no if they like me or not. Being around them makes me fell all nervous and fuzt inside! **I always feel fuzt when I'm around a guy I have a crush on. Whatever that means.**

My story begone now when I was on the train. Waiting to arrive at the school I attend, Hogwarts. **You don't need to keep telling us that you go to Hogwarts. We get it.** Then my frends walk in the compartment I was sitting.

"Hello" say Fred and Jorge **Seriously, when did George become Mexican?** at the same time.

"Hi" I said rest of the train ride we eats stuff from the troly such as chochlate and caramel Then we arrived at Hogwarts. Hogwarts is a big castle big enough for all the students ti sleep in. **No it's not. In fact, half the students are stuck sleeping outside every year!**

"Were here" I said very excitedly. You see I luv Hogwarts more then home. Hom,e is boring since I live alone. I am a orphan thit is why I luv giving them money and understangin. I dont like being alone I am a people person! My parents die when I was young about 4 actually. **How did you manage on your own since then?** A year later I met the weaslys. My parents were killed by death eaters and Voldomort Fred and Jorge walked into the grate Hall. I sat betwen them at the griffindor table. I smiled as I ate my chicken thinking of all the pranks we were going to do this year.

"So Cara what r we going to prank snape with this year" said fred happily. "tink we should turn his hair pink!" **Lol Snape with pink hair.**

"OMG That would be soo funny." I cheered.

"I agre" agreed Jorge. Then Dumledore said we had to go to bed since it was VERY late.

I went up to my dorm bed and fell asleep. **And never woke up.**

The next morning **Oh, darn. I was so hoping she died in her sleep.** I went in the grate hall with fred and Jorge. Snape walked into the grate hall with PINK HAIR! Snape glared at us and sat next to hagrid. He didnt look very happy. Dumledore was eating his waffles. **Dumbledore eating waffles. Interesting mental image...**

"Hey cupcake, how about we make out" Dumbledore saaid to Snape who walks inro grate hall. **Oh, dear God. I know Dumbledore's supposed to be gay, but seriously? I never imagined him to be the type to request a make-out session in public. And the thought of DumbledorexSnape...God, no. Just no.**

"no thank you dumbdore!" insulted Snape. **You didn't have to insult him...**

Me Jorge and fred laughed at the headmaster being rejected. WE then finished our meals and went to classes.

First we had potions then we had a bunch of other classes.

I sat in the back row nxt to Fred and Jorge. Snape walked in the clasroom and glared at us.

"miss cara, you have detention for my hair." **Ooh, busted!**

"I dont do anything I responeded

"I kn'w it was you. You will report ti my class room after lunch and dont think about doin any homeworK!" **Cara doesn't have to do homework? God, if only that happened every time I got into trouble. If it did, I wouldn't have worried about keeping a near-spotless record in high school. If anything, I would have been getting myself into detention once a week.** Snape said. I was shocked. we never got caught befour. Snape must have been up to something emEVIL!

I ate my pizza and soda for lunch. **Who knew they served pizza and soda at Hogwarts?** Then I went to sbnapes classroom for detention…

TO BE CONTINUED! **I'm just dying from the suspense... NOT!**

REVIEW AND I WILL WRITE DA NXT CHAPTER! **If only people hadn't listened to that...**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thanks to the people who reviewed already! You guys are awesome!**

A/N: IM BAK W/ THE NEXT CHAPTER! NO 1 RECIEWED, BUT I THNK THT WOULD B UNFAIR FOR DA READERS!** It's more unfair to the readers that you're still updating.** I NO U WILLS LUV IT R CURIUS WHAT UI GOING 2 HAPPENNNJN NXT: **Um, no. I don't love it, and I don't really care what happens next.**  
I was walking 2 detntion I herd voices cooming frok SNWPES CLASRUM! ***Le gasp***  
"I no tht the lore WOULDNT BE VERY HAPPY!" wispered snapes to someone else in the classroom!  
"But snape u have to kill the gurl!" replied an anonomous voice. **They better be talking about Cara...**  
I didnt wanna be late and I was curious so I opened the dorr to Snepe's clasroom and saw:  
SNEPE TALKING TO RON! ***Duhn duhn DUHN!***  
I dont lke Rpn he is very EVIL AND ANOYING! **Since when is Ron evil? Annoying, maybe (at least to certain readers) but definitely not evil. **HIM AND HIS BFF NEVULE! I CANT STAND THE! RIN IS JUST A DRED AND JORGE WANNA BE **Wannabe? Dude, Ron's their brother. **I HATE FOLOWERS AND COPYERS THEU ARE MINDLESWS FREAKS. **At least she supports individualism... **THE Y CANT CHIOOSE BWTN 1 OR 2! RON IS JUSTA COPYEER A MINDLES FOLOWERER! **No, he's Fred and George's younger brother. That's why he looks kind of like them.**  
"Hello Professer!" I said cherfully. Knowing that Snaepe where is a ecil person wprking for the dark lord VOLODErmort! I passed ron and sat in a chair.  
"Welsy U may leave now!" Snapes said glaring at me.  
"Now today u will sit their untilk I say u can leave!" **That's it? That isn't much. I mean, it's kind of boring if you don't have anything to do, but really, there's lots you can do sitting there. You could read, sleep, brush your hair, draw...**

I sat their for two HOURS! That is 1 Hour longer than a usual dertention. **Be glad you didn't get stuck writing "I must not tell lies" while simultaneously having it carved onto the back of your hand. **I wondered whi him and ron were after. It was a girl and I knew it, I CANT tell ferd and Jorge. They don't wanna get inn the middle of this fiesta.** You're not inviting your BFFs to a Spanish Party? What kind of friend are you?** I wenrt to the 1 perwspn I know who I can trust(beside fRed and jirghE): **Your BFF Willow? Or maybe the love of your depressing life, Draco Malfoy! Oh wait... OOPS. Wrong fanfic.**

I walks down to Hagrus hut. You know the small little house buy the pumkin patch. **Um, you don't have to clarify. Everyone who is a Harry Potter fan (in other words, everyone who's on this site) knows that Hagrid's hut is by the pumpkin patch.** Yeah so I walks there. **Number one, terrible grammar. And number two, you already said you were walking there. You don't need to repeat yourself. **I knock and wait for him to anwer.  
"Helo there Cara." Say haris. **Who?**  
"Hay," I then respond. Her opens the door so I can enter, I walks into his hut.  
"Whats up" Hagrus saied.  
I explain waht I heard of roan and snaspe conversation.  
"you sholud tell dumledore!" harud saay.  
"BUT HE LUVES SHAPE!" I protest. **Dumbledore loves shapes? He should really consider geometry, then. Geometry is all about shapes, isn't it?**  
"I know dumledore more then you he would fight against the veils" hagrf say. **What veils? Why is he fighting them?**  
"Fibne" I give in. I know I have to teklkt the headmaster. He might do something.  
"I walk to the headmasters office. On my way their I collide witg no other rthen NEVULLE! **Hey, Neville! How are ya?**  
I hated nevuile since 1st year **Why? What did poor Neville ever do to you? **he waz so mean to me.** Neville? Mean? *tries to imagine it* Nope, can't imagine it.** He makes fub of orphans. **Ignoring the fact that he practically IS one himself... **I am very fond of orphans being 1. he then makesa fun of hoeless people. **What does he have against people who don't have awesome gardening tools? Or guys who don't have a whore for a girlfriend?**I guice mony to the those unfortunate people! HE bulies me all thoe time and insults me. Him and rob are the only 2 guys int the school that hate me. He makesa me sick. Also he is wopking four VOLDOMORT!** Seriously? He's working for Voldemort? Do you know anything about the HP universe?**  
"Hows lickingr your masters fe4tt.!" I insult nevule.  
"Hows being a low life parentless pour sluit!" He respond.  
"HOWS being an idoet who cant pass his math exam?" I ask. **Just because someone can't pass their math exam doesn't mean they're automatically stupid. Maybe he's just a bad test-taker. **Nevule become agry and storms off. That suits him right. He deserves it. No one likes him anyway accept ron and that lona chick.** Who's Lona?**  
"HAHAHAHAH!" I laugh sop hard with tears running. I them walks to dumledors office and nock pn the door. He opens the door:

2 BE CONTINUES  
I HOPE U ENGOYED IT PLZ REVEIWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW TELL ME IF IT IS IS AWSPME! **IT IS SHITTY!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Yes, this is yet another fic that I haven't updated in a while and am only updating now... So sue me. From now on I will try to be more constant in my updates. Although if life gets in the way, then there is nothing I really could do about it...**

AN:I KNO HOW 2 SPELL! **NO, YOU DON'T! **I KNOW DAT JORGE IS SPELLED RIGT!** NO, IT ISN'T!** IM NOT A STUPET! **YES, YOU ARE! **ANYWAY ENHOY ThE CHAPTA!

I walk into dumkedores office.

"Hello!" he say excited too see me.

"Hi hadmaster" I say reaspectng him.

"Y are you here" He say. **Yeah, why is she here in the first place? And why is she not dead yet?**

"Welllllllllll" I begin.

"Wellllll wut" He ask. I then expkin what Sna[e and rom were talking about.

"I CANT JUST FIER SNAPE!" Dumpdore yelled. **Of course you can't, Dumbledore. Not when, in this fanfic, you're gay in love with him...**

Crap I think. He didnt belive me! I guess I jave to prove it.

Later that day I meet up with ferd and Jorge. **Now you're spelling Fred's name wrong, too? How can you possibly manage to spell such a simple name wrong is beyond me.**

"Sup" said JOr3ge. ***facepalms***

"Nothin" I responded.

"Wanna cum up **Damn it, what is with all these dirty mental images that these crappy fanfics are giving me? I would very much rather live without them, thank you very much. **with a new prank to play on Snpe?" Fredc asked.

"Sure" I hesitated. I new they wouid notice somethin was up of I decline. Sp then we plotted an ew prank on sanpe even though we were crssing dangersou waters.

The new day Snase walked intoo the grate4 hall. His skin had purp,ke pokadots all over it. And he was weering a babe pink dress.** Nothing like seeing a crossdressing Snape to cheer you up, huh?**

"AH!" snepa let out a girlihs shriek. **...Did he only NOW just realize what he was wearing? And that he's purple polka-dotted now? Seriously, Snape, it's called a freaking mirror. Use it. You could've saved yourself an ocean of embarrassment if you had. **We laughted like there was no tommarow. Snape was fuming.

"You look sexiii Snapr" compliment dunlesoor.** Sexy is the last word I'd use to describe the mental image that was just put into my head...**

"MISS CARA DETENTION!" He blames me! What blasfmy. **Definition of blasphemy: ****the act or offense of speaking sacrilegiously about God or sacred things. Jeez, Cara, are you really THAT conceited, that you'd describe someone blaming you as blasphemy? You're not God, idiot.** He was up to something at least I can investigate in detention!

I then go to detenin. I put my ear againt the door.

"my lord Im not worthy" I heart snape say.

"sevrys (tha's snapes 1st name right?** I'm surprised she even knew that...**) dont flattere me. You kno what u must do." Hissed a creppy voice.

"I will kil her my lorf" said snaps. **You better kill her. **

"Good. You must habve her deed befour the year me her body when she is dead!" **Huh? **the cold voice laufged.

"I would be happty enough too kill her if snpa fails." Added a new voice iu coult recognize. The voice was very familiar. I kno he is a follower they all adre they cant lead worth carp.

"I am glad that u bothe are very very loyal" **I'm just glad that both of them are so determined to kill Cara.**

"who else 2 follow? Dumledore? Dont me laugh. He is sooo gay and old. He cant do anything" a new voice laygted. **Hey, don't diss Dumbledore!**

"No, need to show off my faithful sevrnt"

"I dobt he is showing off" the sukc up looser said. **I wonder who the suck up loser is in this case...**

"MY koed I sense some1 my lotd U must leave NOW!" snape warned. I wish I had a tape recorder to show dunmledore!

The door was opend and out walks. RON AND NEVULE! I walked into the clasroom to see snape talkie to luna. **What's Luna Lovegood doing here, anyway?**

"Prdofessor?" I said.

"Oh! That is y lina thaT IS Y THAT INGREDIANT IS IMPROTANT!" sed snape. **Trying to pretend like nothing happened, huh?**

"Thx, proddesser." Said lujn.

Luna left the classroom. Leaving me and snape for detention.

"How much did u here brat?" He growled.

"What exact;y" I decided to play dumb. **'Cause we all know how well that works.**

"Hmph." He then starting workin on a poition. **Damn it, that actually worked? How the hell did she pull that off?**

At dinner I started eating pizza and then I picked up my coke t5 frink. This taste funny I though as I drunk the sode.

Then I was engulped in darkness. ***Applauds madly* They poisoned her! Way to go, whoever pulled that off!**

SNCE ITS SATERDAY I MADE IT LONGRRRR! ARENT U HAP\PY? **Oh, Maddy, you shouldn't have gone to all that trouble! No, really, I'd much rather you didn't go to all that trouble. **I HPE U ENJOY &amp; SEA U TOMARROW 4 DE NXT CHAPTA


	4. Chapter 4

**Okay, so, sorry that I haven't updated in such a long while.. In my defense, I've been focusing on school as well as my own personal fanfics on my other account to make fun of these shitty excuses for fanfic... But I am back! And, in addition to that, the original author has actually commented on this fic! She said, and I quote, "DERE IS NO WAY DAT SUM OTHA ASSHOLE MADE A FUKING COMENTARY OF MAH STORY! WTF? MAN! UR NOT FUNNY!" And to that, I say:**

**Number one, there obviously is a way that "some other asshole" made a commentary of your story, since that is exactly what happened. Number two, I might be an asshole, but you are a troll, which is why I have no regrets on commenting on this. You absolutely have to be a troll, or just incredibly stupid/delusional, because there's no other way that you could possibly believe that you are such an awesome writer and that the whole world is jealous of your skills when your grammar and spelling is simply atrocious, your characters are as far from being in character as humanly possible, and your OC has as much depth to her as a piece of paper. Number three, you're right. It's not funny. IT'S HILARIOUS!**

**Anyway, on with the actual commentary.**  
A/N: WTF WITH MY STORY! I REPOSTED DIS STORY! **We all wish you didn't... **I THINK IT WOOD B SMART 2 POST THE NEXT CHAPTER EARLY! **If you're a sadist, I suppose it would be... **READ &amp; REVEW!

I woke up the next day in the hosbital wing. I saw Miss Pomphrey handlin w/ a bunch a diff. types of potons.

"ur awake?" she asked.

"obviously" **Unfortunately.** I responded. Then fr4d and jrorge **How fucking hard could it possibly be to spell their names right? I'm sure if you loved them as much as you did, you would at least know how to spell their names right...** walked in.

"your ok" **Once again, unfortunately. **they saed at the same time and they hugged me.

"what what happed" I said.

"You were posined." Said Jorge answering my questin. **If only the poison had worked faster...**

"WHO WOULD POISEN U MY SWEET CARA!" **Honestly? I could think of a fuck-ton of people who would. Me included... **Frwd sobbed and hugged me. I pated him on the bak and told him im ok.

Then dumledor walks into the room.

"im wondering the same tjhing." He said. **Wondering what?**

"I think it was Snape" **Oh, they're still talking about Cara being poisoned. **said fered ***bangs head against wall at the misspelling of Fred's name**. I gasped how did fredc know? He must of herd from his evil brother RON! **Obviously the Weasleys are all horrible gossips...**

"we cant jump to conclusins" said dunbledore.

"But I know it was hhim" I said. **You don't know jack shit.**

"U cant blame sevurs for everything" Dubmledore said. **She's not blaming Snape for everything. Just this.**

"But" I began

"THAT'S ENOUGH!" Dumbledore screeched. He must of loved Snape very very muych. **This is definitely not a pairing I ship... **He then stormed of.

"How did u no about snepp?" I ask. **That's what I'd like to know...**

"WE;l i overheard u talkin to hagrus." Freed answered. **Seriously, Fred, has anyone ever told you that you shouldn't eavesdrop? Hmm?**

That evening I got out of the hospital wing. (I heal quickly). I then was walking on the school ground. I runb into no other then: HARRY POTTER. **Hopefully dear Maddy didn't make him evil or something, like with poor Ron...**

"Hello" I said two him. **There's two Harrys? Huh?**

"Hello, cara, I have to ask u somthing" Harry then blushed. **Oh, dear God, no.**

"Wut, is it?" I said.

"Well I have seen u around school and =ll **Is that supposed to be an emoticon? And if so, can anyone tell me what it's supposed to mean? Because I don't have a fucking clue what it's supposed to mean. **but I never get the chance to.." **Wait, did she just spell ten words in a row correctly? Damn, I think this is some kind of record for her...**

"Cahce to what?" I asked ver curious.

"Would u want to be my Gf?" he said smiling. **Way #45 to spot a Mary Sue: Check to see if the male main character is suddenly and madly in love with her. If he DOES happen to have the hots for her, then it is a good sign that your OC is a Mary Sue.**

I though about it for a mintute. I didnt wanna say no that would be very mean and I am a very nice person.** It wouldn't be mean if you just said, "sorry, but I'm not really interested in you."** He was good lookin, that was for sure. But I loved frred and Jorge. What uf I went out with him to make them jealous? That wasnt mean.** No, it is definitely mean that you're using poor Harry to make them jealous. Seriously, did you ever consider how Harry would feel about the whole thing?** I give him a chance and see what fred and Jorge do. I smiled.

"Yes." I reponedd. He lept in joy. We linked hands and walked to the griffindor common room. I had one thing on my mind:

What was I going to tell fred and Jorge? **That's your problem, dear Cara. Not mine.**

SOORRY BUIT U HAVE 2 WAIT UNTIL NXT TIME! **Yay! this chapter's over! **WHAT WIL CARA TELL DEM? **I don't give a shit what she decides to tell them, but I'm going to end up finding out, anyway. **REVWIE &amp; TELL ME HOW GOOD I DID **You're writing sucks. I'm pretty sure we already established this.**


End file.
